


so long lives this

by gingergenower



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 19:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12800706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: Hundreds of years of relationships and none of them treated him like Alec does. He trusts, he reaches out like Magnus not taking his hand is unthinkable because to him it is, because his foolish heart has never been broken and it doesn’t occur to him that it ever might- hundreds of years of relationships and Magnus has never felt like this.





	so long lives this

Magnus curls his fingers at the dishes in the sink without looking, sipping wine as they clink together and clean themselves. He knows Alec prefers to do it by hand, as practical as he is, but he texted last night to say he wasn’t coming home and he hasn’t contacted Magnus since.

He would be inclined to worry, but Alec calls if he needs help. He doesn’t hesitate; Magnus believes that, specifically loves that about him. He always calls.

Hundreds of years of relationships and none of them treated him like Alec does. He trusts, he reaches out like Magnus not taking his hand is unthinkable because to him it is, because his foolish heart has never been broken and it doesn’t occur to him that it ever might- hundreds of years of relationships and Magnus has never felt like this.

Magnus feels small.

The way Alec _looks_ at him- oh god, it’s enough to make Magnus desperate, enough that he’s not sure he deserves it but he’s too selfish to care. If he can just convince Alec to stay perhaps the question of deserve will never come into play.

Another sip of wine, and he leans back against the counter. Perhaps, foolish heart, you will love me regardless of my deserving of it. 

Magnus smiles into his glass, bitterness drying in the corners of his mouth. 

He hears the front door close- soft, familiar- and calls out, setting his glass down. He’s barely taken a step towards the doorway before Alec appears in it, even at first glance something off, something rigid in his shoulders and his furrowed brows, but there’s an infinitesimal change when their eyes meet.

Three strides and Alec pulls Magnus into his arms, face buried in his neck, fingers gripping him hard.

Magnus swallows, keeping himself steady, and embraces him back. He can feel Alec’s lungs stuttering in air, some emotion intrusive in his chest, and he moves his thumb in gentle circles at the base of Alec’s spine. He so rarely comes home like this.

‘Rough day at the office?’

Alec huffs, a little noise of relief hot against Magnus’ skin. ‘Something like that.’ 

Closing his eyes, Magnus curves a little more into Alec, a press of reassurance he’s there. Alec only holds him tighter, and Magnus might have bruises in the morning but he’s not sure Alec has ever held him quite like this- he can feel him _shaking_. He tries not to think too much, and waits.

Alec breathes out again, and draws back to touch his forehead to Magnus’, hands settling on his chest and tracing along his collarbones. ‘I love you.’

‘Alexander.’ It’s the tenderness in his touch that’s almost too sharp, too much, but Magnus only cups his face in return, breathing him in. ‘Talk to me.’

‘Hallucinated,’ Alec murmurs.

Magic whispers down Alec’s neck before Magnus is aware his hand moved; sinking into his skin, it searches out poisons or dark magic or anything else insidious that might hurt Alec but it finds nothing. 

Magnus glances up, and Alec only closes his eyes. ‘It wore off.’

‘I can’t find any trace of it.’

‘Seelie Court. Should’ve known better.’

Retrospectively, Magnus thinks he should’ve asked before casting magic on Alec- Shadowhunters can be quite jumpy about the whole experience- but Alec doesn’t seem to be giving it as much thought to it, pressing his lips against Magnus’ in parting.

The sun’s setting, the whole apartment cast in a hazy orange glow, and Alec stuns. The tense lines of his frame dissolve into weariness, but for a moment Magnus can only look at him, and he searches his face in return.

Hand sliding into Alec’s, Magnus leads him to the nearest couch and sits him down, wondering if he needs food or bed more, but Alec doesn’t seem to want either. Instead, he tugs Magnus down next to him and they both sit back, Alec sinking to press his face into Magnus’ shoulder again. It’s more to seek comfort than that unnerving panic now.

‘Was anyone else affected?’

‘Clary. She didn’t want me near her,’ Alec says, too calm, and Magus frowns- they adore each other, even if it is unspoken. ‘I don’t know what she saw.’

Magnus understands that there’s something Alec doesn’t want to say out loud, so he asks carefully. ‘Where is she now?’

‘Jace and Izzy are with her, she should be ok.’

‘…did you come here alone?’

Alec plays with one of Magnus’ rings. ‘She was a mess. She needed them.’

Magnus nods, mostly to himself. Alec didn’t tell the others he was affected at all. He prioritized Clary and getting them to safety and only thought about himself when there was nothing else to think about. His parabatai, his sister- he didn’t tell them because Clary was crying.

Dear _god_ , Magnus feels small.

‘Do you want to talk about what you saw?’

‘You died.’

He can’t see the future, he knows he may not live long enough to see Alec die; but Magnus is suddenly, viciously aware the foolish heart is his own. Loving, already knowing how heartbreak feels.

‘It could’ve been real.’

‘Was there anything you wished you’d said to me?’

Alec pauses, thinking. ‘No. I think I’ve said it. You?’

‘I will never have enough time to say everything I want to say to you, Alexander.’ Alec’s fingers pause. ‘Besides, sometimes there just aren’t the words.’

‘Magnus-’

‘Bed. Come.’ He nudges Alec aside, standing and pulling Alec up after him.

‘Magnus-’

‘You don’t have to answer,’ Magnus says, and Alec nods.

He’ll need some time to think about his response, anyway.

It’s scarely seven, but they both change and climb into bed together. They meet in the middle, legs and hands tangling together, Alec’s breathing slower and easier in the darkness.

‘Will you regret this?’

Magnus pauses, taking a moment to realise Alec means to encompass their whole relationship with that statement, not limbs numb from lack of blood in the morning. ‘No.’

A foolish heart might prefer to leave before it hurts, but his heart is not foolish. It is reckless and loved in return.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from [this](http://www.shakespeares-sonnets.com/sonnet/18) Shakespeare sonnet, which hurts to read if you read it like you're Magnus or if you hate reading Shakespeare.


End file.
